QOTD

Chapter 11

An old expression, used even before the schism, says that people should not see the creation of laws or sausage. This makes sense, as the creation of sausages involves taking various parts of different animals and shaping them until they are presentable for breakfast, and the creation of laws involves taking various parts of different ideas and shaping them until they are presentable at breakfast, and most people prefer to spend their breakfast eating food and reading the newspaper without being exposed to creation of any sort whatsoever.

TGIF, this is t-bear signing off

The Penultimate Peril and The Interesting Tale

Before I enlighten the likes of you with the less than horrible first paragraph of The Penultimate Peril, I would like to share an interesting experience with you. (Not as in bad horrible, as in miserable horrible.)

As I'm sure you already know, when one uses the word 'interesting' they usually are only using it because they cannot seem to find a different, more descriptive word to use. 'Interesting' means that the object in question is not great yet it is also not grim. It is just interesting. 

In the case of the following story, interesting has the same meaning as was just defined to you.

I was the only person who happened to be working directly at the front of the office at the precise moment of the interesting event. I looked out of the floor-to-ceiling, wall-to-wall window which is attached to the immediate front of the building, when I happened to observe a man in his natural habitat. He was headed toward the office but kept stopping to look at his phone. 

Let me just pause for a second to relate to you the horrible disadvantages of walking across a parking lot while observing one's phone rather than their walking path. 

1. One may be struck by a motor vehicle arriving from the left;

2. One may be struck by a motor vehicle arriving from the right;

3. One may strike a motor vehicle that is no longer in motion and appears to be parked but is unnecessarily in that citizens walking path; and

4. One may be so intent on observing the screen of their mobile device that they don't realize for quite some time that they have been traveling in the complete opposite direction from whence they originally aspired to be.

The gentleman finally arrived at the door of the office but rather than enter such a fine establishment he proceeded to remove a measuring tape from his pocket and begin measuring the letters on the door. This probably wouldn't seem like a large deal for most of you but for a split second there I was convinced he would be coming back in the dead of night to take which letters he needed for whatever villainous venture he is clearly involved in.

Before I let these thoughts run away on themselves, I consulted my co-worker who kindly explained that he was just preparing to add another lawyer's name to the door. 

The following is Chapter One of The Penultimate Peril by Lemony Snicket.

Certain people have said that the world is like a calm pond, and that anytime a person does even the smallest things, it is as if a stone has dropped into the pond, spreading circles of ripples further and further out, until the entire world has been changed by one tiny action. If this is true, then the book you are reading now is the perfect thing to drop into a pond. The ripples will spread across the surface of the pond and the world will change for the better, with one less dreadful story for people to read and one more secret hidden at the bottom of a pond, where most people never think of looking. The miserable tale of the Baudelaire orphans will be safe in the pond's murky depths, and you will be happier not to read the grim story I have written, but instead to gaze at the rippling scum that rises to the top of the world.

Wishing you are well, this is t-bear signing off

Lily Bean and Garfy Barfy

Lily Bean is a fruit and she knows it, but for some reason she still insists on displaying her rambunctious behaviour in the open areas of the living room. If you don't want us to see your fruitiness in the flesh then you should probably practice your spirited activities elsewhere. For the last time, there is nothing wrong with the litter box and the water dish can be drunk from without trying to dig the water out. It is a liquid it can't be dug as sufficiently as you appear to be attempt to dig it. Not every person who passes the fire place is about to give you treats. Finally, for the last time, this yogurt is not for you.

Garfy Barfy is fat and I hope she knows it. She enjoys sitting on the back of the chaise, on Lily, on any piece of paper that happens to be sitting around or in any box that doesn't contain something already. Garfy isn't afraid of the litter box; the chance to fling litter all over the ground will gladly be taken. She enjoys long walks from one room to the other with even longer breaks in between to catch her breath. She purrs like a motor and has (at least I think so) a heart problem. Don't worry, she'll let you know when the food bowl is empty. Finally, Garfy is, unnecessarily, an easily exhausted puddle. 

Sorry for the inconvenience but I am still attacking, with ferocity, The Carnivorous Carnival, this is t-bear signing off

A Daily News Report

Today is Whopper Wednesday. If you don't know what I mean by this phrase then you should take yourself over to the nearest Burger King next Wednesday and enjoy a delicious Whopper. The sensation will hit, and you'll understand.

Julie Chen has admitted to having plastic surgery. Because we couldn't already tell. Let me remind all of you of one key aspect of life, you are beautiful the way you are, there is no plastic that can make you "more" beautiful.

The sweltering heat set in yesterday which became quite evident when I returned home from work yesterday to find the windows closed and the AC on. You know it's hot out when the AC comes on.

Finally, I am happy to report that the chaise is kindly supporting me through A Series of Unfortunate Events. We are working our way through The Hostile Hospital and moving right along to The Carnivorous Carnival.

Mars bars are on the menu, this is t-bear signing off

QOTD

"The Baudelaire orphans, at the time this story begins, were certainly wishing that they weren't reading the newspaper that was in front of their eyes. A newspaper, as I'm sure you know, is a collection of supposedly true stories written down by writers who either saw them happen or talked to people who did. These writers are called journalists, and like telephone operators, butchers, ballerinas, and people who clean up after horses, journalists can sometimes make mistakes."

- Lemony Snicket

 

Book the Seventh, this is t-bear signing off

A chaise.

Can we all just take a moment to appreciate the beautiful, new (to me), chaise lounge which now resides peacefully upon such stained a carpet? Well I sure can! 

It is the perfect place to peruse ones novel while enjoying an evening snack. 

Don't worry, I don't plan to keep it in the living room forever, I have other plans for it. :)

Now I know what most of you are thinking, however; I only paid $60 for this chaise from a very kind fella who apparently has a kijiji account. You may judge but you're all very jealous of my such good fortune. 

In other news, if you will take a brief viewing of the bottom left hand corner of the picture, you will notice that my cellular device rests upon Book the Sixth of A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Ersatz Elevator. It's a work in progress.

Meow (from Garfy), this is t-bear signing off